That headline has no bearing on the content on this blog post, other than the fact that I feel as though I am at a point in my working life whereby I could become everything I ever wanted to be; carve a career for myself out of this crazy media ball of clay and live happily ever after in an ex-showhome (I don’t get excited at the idea of picking wallpaper and carpets) OR, I could make a massive mistake, get stuck in a rut and end up working just to pay the bills.
As it stands, I know that my life-goal is to make a living from motorsport, whether that be as a reporter, PR executive or just as a tea maker, I mean let’s face it, with my love for pasta and cheese, I’m never going to make it as a grid girl. Even if I did handcuff myself to the cross trainer! I’ll leave that to the lovely Nikki-Lee Clark and Jo Theaker.
See, the problem with the media is, the sector is so saturated with people waving their 2:1 degrees in the air (yes, I am amongst them) screaming “Pick me! Pick me!” that it’s hard to get a break, even more so when you left a cushty job – with abysmal pay – as the music editor of a top website, to star in the real-life version of ‘The Devil Wears Prada’. Don’t laugh, it’s true.
I wonder if I made a mistake just quitting my job on a whim last February? I found someone to take a chance on me in the world of PR, but yet, how much am I really achieving when half of my time is spent fretting about what abuse I will have hurled at me next. It’s not a good environment to grow as a person in, but then again, as I’ve found, if I don’t stick it out for one to two years, I’m never going to gain the experience required to progress into another role.
I keep coming up against the same issues; no one will give me another job primarily because I don’t have enough experience, but how am I supposed to ‘get’ that experience when I am not working in a ‘real’ PR environment at the moment? Sure it’s fun organising events, writing the odd release and editing a magazine for 5,500 workers at a large office park, but I can’t stay here for the rest of my life.
I had my dream interview for LNT Group a few weeks ago, the company who manufacture, promote and basically ARE Ginetta and I threw that away by being underprepared and overly nervous. My one shot at doing what I really want to do, in Yorkshire, and I screwed it up. It feels as though everything is working against me and that ‘big break’ that I pray for every night before I go to sleep, just doesn’t come.
I can write, I know I can. I am fantastic at organising events and I have a brilliant personality – come see me at Dongington Park this weekend as I grid up the British GT’s and you’ll see! Yet, I seem to be stuck here, with no way forward, and my only links to motorsport looking like they will be through volunteering as a race marshal, which is, of course, no bad thing as the BMMC team is undoubtedly one of the best in the whole world, but it’s like having your cake and not being able to eat it. I am SO close to the action, yet I want to be submerged, a fully-fledged member of a team, waking up and heading to work to make a living from racing.
Anyway, the boss just turned up at the office so I think it’s time to get back to the grindstone and do some work. Sorry for sharing my rant with you this September morning. I just needed a blast!